November | 2015 | Sourcerer

This episode is not worthy of a recap. It wasn’t bad, necessarily, it’s just that nothing that happens in it is anything we didn’t know already.

WHAT WE KNEW BEFORE: Morgan met a dude who converted him from the half-crazy killer he was in “Clear” into the calm, life-preserving Aikido master we see in the most recent season.

WHAT WE KNOW NOW: Morgan met a dude who converted him from the half-crazy killer he was in “Clear” into the calm, life-preserving Aikido master we see in the most recent season. That guy had a goat.

Here is the goat:

I am a goat. I die at the end.

I like goats. I would have liked this goat more had, at any point, it made any of these noises:

Sadly, it does not. It does screech at one point, because zombies are trying to eat it, but Morgan saves it.

So, yeah. Morgan’s all I CLEAR NOW, SO EVERYBODY DIES, including a couple of normal humans who just, like, get in his way for a second so he kills them both, and he’s being all crazy and burning bodies, and he finds this guy’s house, and this guy locks him up, and then it turns out that the locked door was never locked and Morgan coulda just walked out of his prison at any time, and that’s a metaphor for Morgan’s mental state, and oh let’s learn Aikido, and the dude who played Eastman should have been played by J.K. Simmons because this guy is totally J.K. Simmons with about 20 pounds of Aikido master vegans in the zombie apocalypse shouldn’t be pudgy where did that come from added on him.

And eventually one of the people Morgan killed but apparently did not prevent from rising attacks him, and Morgan freezes up for some reason so dude kills the zombie and the zombie literally bites him in the love handles, making this easily the dumbest death the show’s had in a while, and then the goat’s dead too, and it turns out Morgan has been telling this story to the tied-up Wolf he didn’t kill in the other episode the whole time, so I guess Chekhov’s getting another chance.

Here is the most funny and/or interesting thing about this show:

Ignore the meme; this is the only picture I could get of the shirt. That’s Eastman. HIs name is “Eastman.”

Lennie James was trained in how to fight by the same guy who did the fight choreography for Donatello in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

One of the guys who created the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is Kevin Eastman.

And here Eastman is, wearing a shirt referencing turtles.

Ha! I get references!

Here’s another picture, included only to show just how ridiculous the place where this dude manages to get bitten is, plus Lennie James is all being a ninja and stuff:

Here’s the thing: I don’t actually mind a Morgan-centered episode at all, and I’m genuinely not terribly concerned about whether Glenn’s dead or not if I’m being honest. I can wait another week. I’m actually expecting to not find out for two weeks, because I betcha tomorrow’s episode is entirely Alexandria-centered and we don’t find out a single thing about Glenn one way or another. But this episode was so one-and-done that… shit, these guys are both great actors, so maybe give them an episode that matters somehow? Because this one doesn’t. You’ve missed nothing if you skipped it, and that sucks. Leave Eastman alive! He’s interesting! He and Morgan have great chemistry! Why bother killing him off, especially in a really dumb way?

I think if they’d let the guy live, I might be more inclined to agree with the people who really liked this episode, and I found at least one reviewer who thinks it’s the best episode the show’s ever done, although that guy’s take on the rest of this season is sorta booty. I can’t agree with either of them, because there’s nothing new here and nothing changes. And that’s a shame, given how good the two actors are who had to carry this ep.

The worst thing? We never find out about the peanut butter protein bar. I really am going to have to go back and watch “Clear” again to see if Michonne steals that damn protein bar.

Is it next Sunday yet?